Hello, again.

Life has been wonderful to me lately.

I know I haven't been blogging much, and for that I owe a huge apology. But really, I've been surrounding myself with some of the most wonderful people, taking in the college experience, and starting a whole new chapter of my life. So, to some extent, of course I am sorry for not being as diligent (in more ways than one), but to another extent, I'm quite glad I haven't been spending so much time behind the 15 inch screen of my laptop. My phone is a whole other story, but still.

I've made time for my old friends, and become closer than ever to my new ones.

C' est la vie.

Busy bee.

That is part of my list of things I want to accomplish. What has been checked off so far? Making a list of things to do. We have a long way to go, folks. And before I forget, happy holidays to everyone. Stay safe and healthy. :)

Lots of love,

Tzi

What Could Have Been

A Famous Person I Admire

              She walked onto the flushing greens of centre court, her 6" 2 self calm and composed despite being watched by thousands on centre court - millions more around the world. The Russian teenager with the sun-kissed skin and golden locks set her eyes firmly on the ground, her lips pursed tight as she drew her racquet from her bag, the racquet which - would hopefully draw her blood today.

             On the opposite end of the court stood and equally tenacious looking warrior, but much older in terms of years and experience. This daunting opponent was not about to get into the Russian's head, though. Certainly not. They were both dressed in white, and would fight tooth and nail for that Rosewater dish; to be crowned Wimbledon champion of 2004.

             Battle commenced. The Russian started marvelously, barely flailing against her opponent who, until the match started, was ultimately the bookies' favourite. Now that the first point had been hit, though - it looked all too close for comfort. The Russian hit rasping groundstrokes from every corner, delighting the crowd but disgruntling her opponent. She won one point, and that one quickly became two, and then three, and before you knew it, it was game, set, and match. As the 17-year-old sank to the ground, hands covering her face in disbelief that she had just won, there was only one name in everyone's minds - Maria Sharapova.

             Fast forward to 2011 and Maria Sharapova has become synonymous with everything about women's tennis - the glamour, the grit, and the hunger to win. However, what people seem to look past sometimes is the incredible story of how she got to that pinnacle of success in the first place. 

             Along with her mum and dad, Maria grew up in a poor part of Russia. She was never fed with a silver spoon nor had the privilege to live in a life full of luxury. Then, a little old contraption called the tennis racquet was introduced to a young Maria. Encouraged by her parents and driven by her own passion, Maria began hitting tennis balls with her dad wenever she could. She was so naturally gifted that she was eventually spotted and advised to go to the United States to further pursue her dream. This would be the part where everyone assumes she immediately finds success, but think again.

             Arriving in a foreign country at the tender age of 7, Maria and her dad were thrown into oblivion. Neither of them barely spoke a word of English, and to make matters worse, her mother had to stay behind in Russia due to visa complications. Maria later on describes how she had to literally knock on the door of the Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy in Florida and beg to be taken in. Her father, too, had to work odd jobs here and there to try to put food on the table for them. After having her talent nurtured by the academy, Maria was finally ready for the big scene. She made a name for herself on the tour, not only because of her powerful strokes, but also for her noise. It was not until the 2004 Championships in Wimbledon, though - that she finally tasted the sweet success that had been disillusioning her for so long. Her feat was a remarkable one, many said. Not only had she won what was dubbed the most prestigious Grand Slam out of all, but she had done at 17 years of age, taking out Serena Williams in straight sets.

             After that, Maria continued her quest for further success. Over the next 4 years, she picked up two more Grand Slams - silencing those who deemed her to be a one Slam wonder - and climbed up to become the top ranked female tennis player in the world. 

             Then, just when everything seemed to be rosy, disaster struck.

             Fresh of winning her third Grand Slam in Australia, Maria was given the devastating news that she had a serious shoulder injury - a tear in her rotator cuff. It was an injury that could lay her off for months, and in the tennis world, that could be the end. Some come back successfully from injury, but many do not. People began to wonder if she would ever be the same person again - if she would ever be capable of being up there in the game again. For the next few months, Maria shut herself out from the world of tennis and focused on nursing her shoulder. Then, she made the courageous decision to return.

             Her comeback was, to many, something much anticipated. After all, no one drew a crowd like she did. And so, the critics, the fans, everyone waited. To see, to observe, to have their curiousity satisfied. She failed to live up to the hype. For the next few months after returning to the tour, Maria found herself losing in the first few opening rounds of tournaments, when she was so used to making it into the final stages of them. Despite these poor performances, though, people still considered her a threat, a black horse. But, why? Simple. Her sheer tenacity.

            One of the many reasons I admire Maria Sharapova is because of her never-say-never attitude. She could be down in the dumps, having a bad day on-court, but still keep her head held high, her fist clenched, and never short of her "come on"s to drive herself more. It with this attitude, too, that opponents and spectators alike know to never rule her out until the match is finished. She enthuses confidence, not because she has to, but because she truly believes in herself. She believes she can do it, and that makes people believe it, too. 

            Maria started the year of 2011 ranked a mere no. 18 in the world, but she finishes it ranked no. 4. Along the way, she also picked up 2 more titles to close in on that 30 mark count overall, reached the finals of Wimbledon - the stage that had propelled her to stardom, and made a semifinal run at the French Open.

            Maria Sharapova is one of the people who made something of herself out of nothing. She believed in herself when no one else did, and is now the highest paid female athlete in the world, having just signed a $70 million dollar contract with Nike and being the only female athlete on the Forbes 50. And what exactly did she do with some of this money? She donated a large sum to play her part in helping the people whose lives were affected by the Chernobyl tragedy years ago. She wanted to give back to the community, and that she did. Do her good looks help her popularity? Sure. But at the end of the day, the reason why I admire her the way I do is not because of her looks, it is because of the way she makes you believe in yourself, and to never give up no matter what.

            As a young teenager still trying to find my place in this world, having a good role model to look up to is important. And so, I would like to thank you, Maria - if you somehow ever read this, for instilling in me the belief in myself that we are able to accomplish anything we set our minds to. Thank you for your incredible tale of making it from rags to riches. Thank you for giving little girls out there a hero to look up to. Thank you for being a big part of why I love tennis so much.

            Thank you for everything.


This would have been my essay for CW for SPM, had I chosen the topic. Instead, me and my wonderful decision making skills opted for another topic. Wrong choice, I think.

Easier said than done.

I am a paranoid person. Very paranoid.

It's obviously a bad thing, but that thin, thin silver lining is that at least I care enough to be paranoid about it.

Still, paranoia is a sort of disease I reckon. It eats you up inside slowly, messes with your mind, and chooses to intervene during your happy moments. Obviously there is way to get over it - like keeping yourself busy so you don't think too much about whatever is really bothering you. You can try to surround yourself with people who make you happy, who make you laugh. At the end of the day, though, when you are left with your thoughts, pondering them in repeat, you can't help but rewind to it. Recently, I actually Googled ways to get over paranoia, just because I know how worked up it gets me and how it causes me so much anxiety and stress when I could be spending my time relishing life and what not. It's something I definitely want to overcome - and one day I will, hopefully.

With SPM going on right now and everything - with the first week having finished, I have come to realise just how bad my paranoia can get. Perhaps everyone gets a little paranoid during major examinations, but for me, especially.

I worry about lots of things; before an exam, during an exam, after an exam. Days later, I might still be thinking about that exam. It really is quite silly, wasting so much time and emotions, but you don't choose to be paranoid. It's kind of like depression, it just comes and sticks with someone. No one wants to be that way, they just are.

I worry about things like whether I shaded in my answers correctly.
I worry about not having written enough for essays or going off topic.
That will lead to wondering how many marks will be deducted for going off topic.
I worry about my marks when I realise everyone has gotten higher objective marks than me.
I worry about whether the examiners will be able to tell my lower case letters from my upper case letters.
I worry when everyone says the paper was easy when I found it mediocre.
I worry about not having answered properly.
Whether you need to write in full sentences or not or if you had enough content.
I worry about writing my answers in fractions instead of decimals.
I worry I was careless and might have gotten more mistakes than I thought.
I worry my graphs are wrong.
I worry about being the only student in my school with a 'B' for SPM English and Maths.
I worry about having my future in jeopardy should I not do well for those subjects, or SPM in general.
I worry about letting people down.
I worry about being humiliated.

I worry.

A lot.

As bad it is, as much as people tell me not to worry so much, that I am overreacting or worrying unnecessarily, it is easier said than done. I would know. I have been on both sides before. I know how easy it is to tell someone to feel better because they are the one going through the problem, not me.

Then, I realised.

 Life is a blessing we are meant to make the best out of. Why waste any more of it with negativity? Of course, it is only normal to get upset, but not too much. As I said - easier said than done, but we can at least try. Try. I let negativity dominate me most of the time. I don't leave room for optimism and lightheartedness.

I like going on Tumblr, not necessarily updating mine but instead losing myself with the pictures and (philosophical) quotes that show you just how amazing life is; how incredibly blessed we are to be living in a world this beautiful. 

God put us on this earth for a reason. A good reason. Not to live in a world of fear and pessimism, which in turn also affects the people around us. 

It does make me feel better, the words, the advice, that the people who love me care enough to ask what is wrong when they see me so stressed.


So, to everyone who has ever asked me to feel better, given me advice, made me laugh when I was feeling down, asked me what was wrong when they noticed something amiss, thank you all from the bottom of my heart. For everything.

Yes, yes. I know I should stop it with the sappiness, but as the days of SPM are withering down, you cannot help but it is coming to an end. This time, for good.

Although I probably will have to make a whole bunch of new friends this year, learn to know who I can trust who I cannot, I will never, ever forget you guys.

High School? Bye, school.

High school is a funny place.

You make friends, fight with them, and then go on the rest of your school life pretending that you never knew each other in the first place.

You get given homework, finish it, but then somehow or another, more homework just gets thrown your way.

You have special bonds with teachers - whether it is sucking up  having a very honest relationship with one or taking to Twitter complaining about them everyday.

You find out that, as much as you thought you were deemed a 'young adult', you still aren't allowed to sit at the same table with the opposite sex in the library.

You have the friendly people; you have the plastics. (except on Wednesdays when plastic bags aren't allowed to be used)

In high school, there will be bad memories. There will be the tears, heartbreak, and catfights. But, besides all of that immature nonsense, the 5 years you spend will ultimately give you some of the best memories you will carry on for the rest of your life. SPM is, well... soon. I don't like counting down nor do I like reminding people of how quickly it is approaching. Either way, it means that our time right now in high school is ending. In a week we'll have our farewell, in a month SPM will be nearly over, and then after that, we move on. People say that high school is the best time of anyone's life - whether that is true, we are yet to find out. What I know for now though, is that it gave me one heck of an enjoyable ride. Like every other teenager, I went through my share of pain. But it is the bad days that make the good ones seem even better, that remind you of just how blessed you are to be surrounded by people who are there for you when you need someone. And I, for one, have been very blessed to have the friends that I do right now.

F4.

Apparently, they are a Taiwanese band(?) but to me, they're the best group of friends you could ask for. *cue the sappy music*

This is F4. Aka, BYTS.

This picture is the ultimate definition of BYTS because we were unknowingly seated in the correct order. From the left:
Brenda, Yun, Tzi, and Sel = BYTS :)

Let's start with Brenda.

This is Brenda.

Quick history, her original name is Beatrice Yew Lai Peng but someway or another, she (thankfully) got renamed. And thus, we have Brenda Yew Tzeyenn.

Another important fact you should know about her is that she likes camwhoring. A lot.

 

And she's weird. Very weird. 

But I finally found a normal picture of her. Sort of.

Anyway, Brenda, if you're reading this - which you probably are - thank you for being one of the best friends I've had the privilege to meet. We only met 4 years ago when you first came into the school, but you've honestly been the one who's always been there for not only me, but everyone else in the group. You're blur, awkward, and are sometimes the last one to get jokes, but it's okay. You draw trees on my birthday cards every year, you cry at surprise parties (even though you supposedly knew it was a surprise), you say 'true that' when you agree with something instead of just saying 'yeah', you lick the school's cutlery, you go around eating other people's food, and you have the strangest, most annoying brother in the world. You have given loyalty a whole new meaning, and I'm not just saying that. You're one of the few people I know who eats anything. There can be 300 pictures taken on a camera, and 299 of them will have you in them. These little quirky things just makes you so special to everyone who loves you. And at the end of the day, whatever has been said and done, I'll always cherish you as one of my best friends. No matter what.

Next up, we have Xin Yun.
She used to be really fat.

And lazy.

But then she started running, and one way or another, she lost weight.

She didn't, however, lose her weirdness. As you can see.

Right, time to get all emotional again. Here goes.

Yun, we've known each other probably since the first week of Form 1. We've definitely had our ups and downs, and gone through so many different groups of friends together. Still, it was probably all the misunderstandings we had that has made our friendship now stronger than ever. You've always been the one I confide in whenever something's wrong or if I just need to let something off my chest. I guess you just understand me, probably. You're really strange (even more so than Brenda) and whether it is skipping class(es) with you, bailing on assembly, eating in class, or reciting Mean Girls quotes to no one in particular, you have definitely given me some of the best high school memories ever. You laugh at your own jokes, sing to yourself, talk to yourself, and make funny noises to no one in particular. You don't like salmon although I have no idea why. You have come up with about 10 different nicknames for me, complain about the way people smell, talk, and behave, and constantly laugh at people :( You go backwards in Mario GoKart when everyone else is aiming on moving forward, you almost made a pot of laksa explode in my house, and you rap just as well as Kevin G. You've been someone I can talk honestly to, someone who's seen me laugh, cry, and most importantly, you've been a great friend. And for that, I thank you.

So, to do a quick recap. This is Brenda and Xin Yun. They're weird. I've already talked about them.

Which leaves us with...

Selviah.

Just kidding.

This is Selviah. (I bet you couldn't tell the difference)

She's not Indian, she's not Malay, and she's not Chinese. So, what is she exactly? Well, no one knows for sure. I'm not even sure she knows herself.

What we all do know, however, is that she likes eating.

A lot.

Sel, I owe you. Big time. Not only for letting me bully you, spam your BBM, write on your hand, draw on your face, and poke you from behind with my trusty coloured pens, but I also owe you for, honestly speaking, being so carefree and fun-loving that you make everyone around you laugh with you (sometimes, at you)... but anyway. You're such a volatile being that I don't really know what to make of you. One day you'll come in being so loud that people begin to wonder if you're drunk, the next you can be so emotional. But that's what makes you, you. Knowing you since Form 2, I've know learned to bring extra food when I know you're coming to school. I know to always have my homework finished so you can copy from me everyday. I know to exclaim, "SEL, WHY ARE YOU EATING IN CLASS?" in front of the teachers. But most importantly, I know to remind you daily that you have the same birthday as Ted Chee. You've been there for me, and honestly speaking, I think my life would have turned out differently if you hadn't waltzed in. Maybe it would have been less chaotic, but definitely much more boring at the same time. You make me laugh, especially at your composition about killing and then burying your friend in her own garden. You make me cry, normally out of laughter, but also when you start singing. You make me realise that I truly am so blessed to have a friend like you. (This is when you go, *nawwwwww, Bear*)

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the 3 girls who have made high school such a pain in the ass joy for me. My best friends.



Of course, I have many other best friends who play a part in making high school... high school. And since Blogger only allows you to post one photo at a time, I've taken the easy way out and opted to just thank them without graphics.

Let's begin.

This is an extract from Hannah's blog .

Tzi and I have always been slightly irresponsible monitors (yes, I know, 'slightly' is a slight understatement).

Our class' whiteboard dusters have broken so many times that the office clerk told me to keep them in my locker. The projector screen has come crashing down twice. We generate a fair bit of noise, and then tell the others to keep quiet. When they don't keep quiet, we don't really mind (except when whining ensues). We wait thirty minutes before going to look for a missing teacher. Our collars are only buttoned in front of the CCTV and certain high-liability teachers. We lose the appendages to our uniforms — Tzi's blazer went 'missing' over the holidays; each of the ties I used had an average lifespan of three months (and they were all borrowed). We don't write the list of absentees on the board for the reason that we outsource this job to the efficient Assistant Assistant Monitor. The other reason is because it is usually us who are on the list of absentees. We have a lot more fun than we technically should.

And Tzi, I'm glad I got the chance to be slightly irresponsible with you.

This basically sums up my friendship with Hannah, and a certain other girl who's far too tall for her own good.

You know I just had to acknowledge them for the impact they brought to me this year.

Hannah and Pei Shan.

I feel like I had to thank both of you together, because what's a brain without the other half?

We've only gotten close early this year when I decided to shift tables to sit next to you two. So, for that, I suppose I owe Bryan Teh a thank-you. You two are the closest pair of friends I know. You do everything with each other, say everything together, and get similar grades (sigh). You gang up time and time again to bully me both mentally and physically (no, Hannah, I have never believed you were Switzerland). You make nerdy jokes which I usually don't get, but then there are also the jokes that I do get. Sometimes. Once in a blue moon.

We've shared about a hundred puns with one another - most notably, our punny Islamic menu filled with food and drink from the Sejarah syllabus. We're the weird backbenchers in class, have never paid attention to a single Sejarah or Econs class since mid-term (sorry Madam Premila and Madam Noor) and randomly burst into laughter for reasons no one else would understand. I know that when I feel like it, I can just bring up a single topic and we'll be enthralled in a deep conversation about the philosophies of life for the whole of double English (and sometimes double BM. Oh, and let's not forget double Science, too).

Thank you, cow Hornet and Panda, for everything.

Sia.

Um, well. Okay. First thing you should know about Sia is that he isn't really Malay, so even though he's Malay-sia-n, he's actually Chinese, but born in Britain - hence his strange I.C. number.
Hi, Sia. *waves* I hope you're taking time out of mastering the Light chapter to read this.

I've known you since Form 1, but even then we didn't really get close until you got together with a certain LXY. (not Liew Xin Ying). You're honestly one of the most annoying people I've ever come across, which is, sometimes, quite a good thing. I haven't really had a chance to properly know you even though we sit at the same table almost everyday - mainly because all our conversations are filled with lame jokes and nonsense. I do, however, know that you like salmon and that The Hangover 2 will be the last movie that you watch until SPM is over. I also know that the 'c' in your NICHOLAS is backwards on Twitter so people won't be able to find you, and that you skipped lunch today so you'll be eating like a beast tonight. So I guess that counts for something.
Either way, thank you for being gay you. I wouldn't be as lame as I am right now if you hadn't influenced me so much.

Bow.

I suppose you are at the gym right now instead of reading this, but you'll definitely merajuk if I didn't thank you as well, so here goes. My life was simple before I met you in Form 2. It was more... quiet. You're one of the loudest people I know, and most of the time that ends up in the rest of us being embarrassed in public. You bully and make fun of not only us, but any random stranger who seems funny to you. It's mean, but in a way we can't help but laugh along, too. BAD INFLUENCE. As much as we all say you're annoying, I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say that school life would just be plain boring if we hadn't met you. If we were all to continue being friends with you until we grow old, we'd have abs in no time. (shut up, don't laugh) So, thank you for all the jokes, really.

P/S: Please come back to school soon.
P/PS: Sorry about lying to you about there being school today. It was Xin Yun's fault.

Keats.

Remember when you looked like this?!

Sorry, could not help myself.

Anyway, I think we only became closer in Form 4, even though we've known each other since Form 1. First thing's first - please learn to chew, swallow, and then talk. Second thing - it's okay if you don't pay up when you've lost a bet. We're used to it by now. Okay, just kidding. You're the only one out of all of us who is set on leaving for overseas for college, which means it will be much harder to keep in touch with you than the rest. What can I say? We'll miss you, definitely. No more Chinese New Year parties at your house or getting your gangsta driver to fetch us places. Please take care in Australia or America or wherever you end up, and please don't forget your good ol' high school friends.

There are so many other people who have made high school such a joy for me. I hate this part because I always tend to leave out some people... but Naomi, Sarah, Yi Han, Chi Yean, Josh, Thehresh, Timur, Salim, Alison, and Kelly - you all have played a part in making high school so memorable for me, whether it was in lower or upper secondary. Thank you for everything.

Well, this marks the end.

Not only to the end of this post, but to the end of high school. Many of us will be parting ways next year, and as much as we promise one another that we will continue to keep in touch, the inevitable part of it all is that we will somehow drift apart, in one way or another. I'm not trying to be morbid, but... realistic. It'll be great if we all could continue to have such close friendships even when we are in different colleges and eventually different parts of the world... but we also have to prepared if it doesn't happen. High school is one of the best rides of anyone's life. The friends you make here will continue to be in your heart even when you grow old. The memories will live on forever. And so, as we come to the last week of high school, I want to thank every single person again - even the ones I didn't mention here - for everything you've done, for the part you all played in contributing to my high school experience and making it so magical.

I'll miss all of you.

I'll miss my friends. The ones who are so loud and unaware of everyone else staring. The ones who are able to joke around with everyone - whether it be teachers, principals, or canteen operators.

I'll miss using morning reading sessions to gossip with C class and eavesdrop on other people's conversations instead of reading Readers' Digest and Dewan Siswa.

I'll miss quieting down when the prefects are approaching but immediately start up again when they've walked by.

I'll miss lying to the prefects about having to go to the office when actually it is to skip assembly. (I can reveal this now that we're down to our last week of school)

I'll miss Econs class. I'll miss Madam Noor. I'll miss writing her notes and editing the "Pickles" comic strip and pasting it in my buku nota and then passing it up to her. I'll miss her sambal ikan bilis and the sarcastic look she and Madam Norhayati seem to give students. I'll miss sneaking into Perdagangan class when Madam Stanley leaves class early. I'll miss sliding her notes under the door.

I'll miss my backbenchers. The ones who generate the most noise in class but yet somehow get the best grades.

I'll miss Xin Yun pretending to be injured just so we can take the lift up.

I'll miss all the teachers, the ones who I've formed a special bond with and who, after a while, can joke around with you and sometimes let you get away with things they wouldn't normally let others get away with.

I'll miss coming late to school and writing ridiculous reasons on the late slips.

I'll miss singing old songs with everyone in class out of the blue.

I'll miss going down to the office to talk to Madam Sumi, the nice office clerk at the front, or going in to see Madam Chia and Madam Pearl just to ask how their day was.

I'll miss telling teachers how young they look and how they should pursue modeling as an alternate career.

I'll miss telling Mr. Alamin how well he mendeklamasi sajak that he should do a duet with Siti Nurhaliza.

I'll miss Madam Tee's spontaneous decisions to cook for the entire class.

I'll miss skipping school on Mondays and Wednesdays.

I'll miss being such an irresponsible monitor.

I'll miss sneaking onto Pottermore on the school's computer in the library with Yun.

I'll miss school concerts and Sports Day rehearsals.

I'll miss Wesley.

Because, as much as we complain about how strict it is, how uptight the teachers are - on a personal level, I don't think I could have been any more blessed. We might say how we can't wait to go to college, but I'm going to say right now that I actually don't want to grow up. I really don't.

Thank you, high school.

And with a heavy heart, I bid you goodbye.

Needs.

I need to update my blog.
I need to study.
I need to stop taking things for granted.
I need to stop being so spoilt.

I need to do a lot of things,
but right now,

I need to pause to smell the flowers, because high school is quickly ticking to an end as we speak.

Change.

To think that the last post was in February is kind of pathetic, isn't it? I haven't forgotten about this blog, nor have I not been online. Procrastination just came by again, I suppose, and this time it stayed for quite a long while. Partly also because I just don't know what to type about. I can tweet lots - 140 characters really doesn't require much thinking - but, when you put me in front of a blank page and ask me to type a somewhat lengthy post, I get stuck.

Well, needless to say, a lot has happened over the past few months. Things have changed, some for the better, some for the not so good. As someone wise once said, change is the only constant in life. There's been a lot of progress (mostly good, I suppose) in school, out of school. First-term examinations came and went in a week. I did well, if I have to say so myself. That was definitely an up side for me. So was Sports Day. Yes, Green House gymrama left much to be desired... Many people may not be satisfied with it, but personally, I was. To think that we made a mad dash for the finish line two days before Sports Day, changing the music, choreography, and formations - getting on that track without having practiced the improvised version on it before - it was scary, definitely. But every single one of them made me proud. To see their enthusiasm and cooperation especially in the last two days was overwhelming - and, although we might not have gotten first (or second), I was left with a sense of pride in my heart. The winners deserved it, anyway. The best thing you can get out of it is knowing that at least you tried your best, no matter what.

So, that was an extremely brief recap of the two events that I can recall from March and April respectively. Which brings us to May. In terms of time, this year has seemed to fly by - I don't want it to, though. Honestly speaking, I don't want high school to end. I really don't. All the friends we've made, the experiences we've had... Okay, I'll stop with the nostalgia. What I really mean to say is that we should cherish whatever we have before it's too late. There's no point regretting it in the end, thinking to ourselves "what if". We wouldn't have a nagging wonder in our minds if we had gone ahead and done something to change for the good.

A couple of weeks back, there was this whole week of documentaries and biographies about the Royal Family, leading up to, of course, the Royal Wedding. In one of the documentaries about the late Princess Diana, I watched how people mourned over her passing, how emotional everyone was, and, most important, how highly everyone thought of her. Those close to her were interviewed, and the way they spoke about her, all the admiration quivering in their voices as they recalled her, it was something no one could ever fake. She was a great woman, and that was most definitely how more than half of the people will remember her as. Yes, she is gone - but what will stay on forever is the memory people will have of her.

Which goes the same with us. Let's face it, our time on this Earth is limited. In the end, what will be left of us is the memory that stays on. It's up to us to make it a good one. One day not too long ago, I realized, I haven't been a very nice person. I haven't, really. I'm extremely blessed, I am - but sometimes, I am aware that I take things for granted. I take people for granted, their feelings, what I've been blessed with - just, a lot of things. For the past 16 years of my life, I've put mainly myself before anyone else. I've only thought about myself all the time, what good it's bring to me. But just a few weeks ago, something hit me. I don't know what it was, but I woke up going through the day feeling... lighter. It was as if all the spite I had in me just decided to float away. Even if it was for just a bit, it dawned on me that that was the way I should be feeling. I don't want to go through life being easily irritated and spoilt, I don't want to hurt the people who care about me most, nor do I want to drive the people I love away. I realized then and there that it was time to change for the better. I don't think my progress has been that significant as of now, but, hey, the first step is always acknowledging.

An hour or so ago, my cousin tweeted me this picture of the both of us when we were young. The good ol' days when not having enough sleep was the only problem we had. (That's me on the right). Looking at it, seeing how genuinely happy we were and totally caught up in our own carefree world - I realized, that's what I want again. 16 (going on 17) years on, I've finally decided it's time to change. This time, for the better.

Lots of love,

Tzi